A few words about complimentary gift-wrap

As the world economy dips and dives, we all have come to know that so few things in this world come free. Complimentary goods and services are swiftly going the way of the Dodo. Then of course there's one of my mother's favorite phrases: "there's no such thing as a free lunch!" Having said this, it's reasonable to assume that, upon discovering a free service at your local bookstore, you'll be at the very least pleasantly surprised and--hopefully--even a little appreciative. You want that book wrapped for Christmas, Hanukkah, a birthday, Flag Day, Festivus? Please, allow me! Despite the cheerful attitude and prompt response time, we find ourselves all too often presented with one of the most infamous, terrifying, and beastly of all retail animals: the overly-entitled free gift-wrap hound. In a perfect world, I would be able to tell some of these special characters how I feel about their despicable behavior. Since I can't do that, I'll just list them here.

In no particular order:

• Hovering over my shoulder while I'm trying to wrap your book and get you out of here will not help me finish faster or do a better job. In fact, in all likelihood it will do the opposite. Does this strategy typically work for you? I doubt it. Give me some space, please.
• I promise to take the price tags off. Amazingly, I understood that it was important to you the first of the twelve times you mentioned it.
• No. I'm not making you a bow. Get over it.
  
• Oh goodness, I'm sorry our FREE wrapping paper choices aren't to your liking! What were we thinking not consulting you first? After all, your taste is vastly superior to ours. Here's a thought: since the paper is so important to you anyway, how about you wrap it your damn self?
• Please do us a favor and refrain from coming in on Christmas Eve asking us to wrap birthday gifts for you. Christmas. Eve.
  
• We all here understand that our store may not carry all the items for your gifting needs. We're not unreasonable. In fact, on my occasions we will call over to the toy store in town for you to check an item's availability. I'd call this generous. These things do NOT mean, however, that you should bring in gifts purchased at other stores and ask us to wrap them. Do I LOOK like an elf to you? Don't answer that.
• It's called a tip people.

In all fairness, most of our customers are pleasant and grateful when we offer to wrap their gifts for them. Likewise, we enjoy wrapping! It's festive and fun and allows us in some small way to get our creative ya-ya's out at work. However, offering complimentary gift-wrapping is unfortunately no exception to the rule: one or two bad beans seem to spoil the whole bag.

Happy Holidays!